Post-election planning for families of trans kids + trans folks

Written By Mandy Giles

The weeks since the election have been devastating for the families of trans kids all over the U.S.. The parents that I know personally and the flood of parents that have contacted Parents of Trans Youth, scrambling for support and resources, are scared.

Our president-elect has been loud and clear about his plans to restrict the rights of trans people, including children.

It’s tempting to live pre-emptively into fear.

But I have to hold on to hope. I believe that we will support each other. That we will still find love and joy. That we will still be who we are inside.

And no one can take that from us.

Many organizations and individuals have shared resources and tips about how to prepare for this new presidential administration. I wanted to wait until the dust settled a bit to curate some of the action items, and I chose what I’ve seen shared most frequently. Some are relevant only for adults, and some action items are for any age. I’ve tried to be realistic and not inflammatory in my choices.

The suggested action items on this list are just that: suggestions. Everyone’s situation is different and the decision to take any kind of action is highly personal. Some tips are easier (and safer) than others to explain fully. If you’ve got questions, please reach out at mandy@parentsoftransyouth.com and I’ll point you in the right direction.

Documents

  • Obtain or renew your passport (can currently self-attest gender without additional documentation) for identification purposes - get it expedited

  • Get your ID pics updated to be congruent with your current presentation

  • Update your Social Security gender marker

  • Some advise against using the X gender marker (flags you as transgender/nonbinary)

  • Get documents to match up as much as possible re: name and gender marker - leave a paper trail, change everything you are able to

  • Many states have legal aid clinics for trans folks to help with name and gender marker changes (Texas: Trans Legal Aid Clinic TX)

  • Durable power of attorney - this names someone you trust to manage your financial and legal affairs if you become incapacitated

  • Living will - advance directive that outlines your medical treatment preferences if you are no longer able to communicate them

Health care

  • Talk to your health care provider about how to handle possible interruptions in your gender-affirming medical care treatment plan

  • Create a medication supply - be HONEST with your provider if you are underdosing, spend some time on Reddit if you are considering DIY hormone therapy, talk with your community

Stay safe online

  • Consider making social media accounts private

  • Be mindful of what you share

  • Use 2-factor authentication when you can

  • Consider opt-out service to remove your personal information from online data brokers - DeleteMe 20% discount code (affiliate link)

  • A VPN service keeps your online activities private

Visibility and safety

  • Evaluate your surroundings and understand what it might mean to be visibly trans or queer in that environment

  • Share location with friends

  • Make decisions about staying in your presentation or "going stealth" - safety is important but so is authenticity

  • Report hate incidents if comfortable

  • Consider lining up legal representation if you are public in your advocacy or work in this space

Self-defense

  • De-escalation strategies

  • Basic self-defense techniques

  • Personal safety tools where legal (pepper spray, etc.)

Support system

  • Find like-minded people for support

  • Rely on local communities and allies

  • Mutual aid networks

  • Find the supportive staff/faculty at your school or district - ask your networks if you don't know

News sources

Take action

  • Vote!

  • Support state legislation that add protections to constitutions, other pro-equality legislation (and fight the bad ones)

  • Run for office

Relocation

  • IF you are considering moving to a state with protections and access to medical care for trans kids, do that sooner rather than later. Some protections are in state constitutions, and those protections are more solid than a law or an executive action by a governor. But if the federal government passed a law that conflicted with the state constitution, the federal law would control.

  • You can find relocation resources in my national resource list.

  • Start saving some money at least to get you to the next location

Self-care

  • Complete the stress cycle - allow your parasympathetic nervous system to reset after stress triggers

  • More learning on the stress cycle

  • Healthy stress responses:

    • Engage your body: jump up and down, yell, laugh, dance, hike, jog, walk, tense and release your muscles, do yoga, rock body in fetal position, rest/sleep, cry, curse, self-massage, self-hug, take a shower

    • Lean on others: 20-second hug, cuddle with pet, talk with others

    • Get creative: knit, draw, color, garden, cook, bake

    • Breathe: square breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4); 4, 7, 8 breath (4-second inhale, 7 hold, 8 exhale)

  • Go to therapy!

How to talk to kids about possible changes in their gender-affirming care

  • Frame things in a way that feels solid and hopeful while also honest - this is the most helpful way for kids to receive information

  • They will absorb our fear - don't paint a dire picture

  • Parents need to be in a place where they can say: this sucks and is not ok - it's possible that we won't have access to care and what that means

  • Maybe we can talk about it with your trans friends and their parents together

  • Find a support group - go online if you can't find one in person

  • Give your kids the message: as your parents, we’re not going anywhere and you will always be safe with us

  • Let them know how many people are working and fighting for them. People who don’t even know them. And they will never stop.

More resources

The recorded version of these suggestions is on my podcast, Everyday Trans Activism. You can find that episode here.

Mandy Giles
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