Ep. 23 [BONUS] - Post-election planning with Mandy Giles
#23 [BONUS] - It's a bonus solo episode! I share a curated list of recommended actions for families of trans kids + trans folks for this post-election wilderness we're wandering in.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Parents of Trans Youth resource list (Texas-specific link included)
How to obtain or renew passport (how to self-attest gender)
How to change gender marker on Social Security account
Trans Legal Aid Clinic of Texas
DeleteMe discount code (affiliate link)
Human Rights Campaign bill tracker
Trans Legislation Tracker
ACLU bill tracker
ACLU of Texas
Gender Justice Brief
Erin Reed
Under the Desk News and American Fever Dream podcast
Howdy Politics
Equality Texas
Texas Freedom Network
Transgender Education Network of Texas
Axios
Victory Fund
Learning on the stress cycle
Human Rights Campaign Facing the Future Together: FAQs, Guidance, and Resources
Advocates for Trans Equality Trans Survival Guide
Lambda Legal's 4-Point Plan
Thoughts on hope by Austin Channing Brown
Everyday Trans Activism is a production of Parents of Trans Youth, a social impact business providing learning, support, and community to parents and caregivers of transgender, nonbinary, and gender-diverse kids.
Host Mandy Giles (she/her) is the Texas parent of two transgender young adults and a fierce advocate for trans kids, their families, and the transgender community.
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FULL TRANSCRIPT
Mandy: Hey y'all and welcome to Everyday Trans Activism. I am your host, Mandy Giles. My pronouns are she/her, and I'm the parent of two transgender young adults and the founder of Parents of Trans Youth. Normally, I interview guests on the podcast who are working for trans rights and trans equality in their own ways, but today, I am coming at you between seasons with a bonus solo episode, because I have thoughts about the presidential election and how to prepare for the next administration.
So after the election, like many people, I kind of crawled into a hole and just let myself feel my feelings. Within kind of a fog, a fog of shock, I guess, feeling a lot of, I was feeling sadness, numbness, grief, fear, anger, rage, but mainly my heart was, and still is, breaking for the parents of trans kids, especially because I know that they are scared.
They are feeling a little hopeless right now because our president-elect has been loud and clear about his plans to restrict the rights of trans people, including children. And I know the whole trans community is riding a roller coaster of panic and despair and disappointment. And I think it is tempting to live preemptively into fear. And some of that is really justified. I think it's really easy for me to say that within a place of my privilege as a white cisgender straight woman.
But for me, I have to live in hope. I have to. Otherwise I would be a wet crying puddle on the floor every day. Hope is what gets me out of bed. It's what motivates me to do the work that I do to keep fighting an uphill battle in Texas, particularly. I believe that we will support each other. I believe that we will still find love and joy. I believe that we still be who we are inside, and nobody can take that from us. Nobody can take that from you.
So I've been seeing lots of organizations, individuals, creators, they've been sharing resources and tips on how to prepare for the new presidential administration. Because the president-elect has said all kinds of awful things that he's going to do, like on day one, to hurt the transgender community.
And, and I'm grateful for all of these different groups that have shared really great information and recommendations. And, I wanted to wait until the dust settled a little bit to curate some of those action items, just to see which, which of those had been shared most frequently. And so I've chosen those to share with you today.
Some are relevant only for adults, some action items are for any age. Some are for families. I've tried to be really realistic and not shall we say inflammatory in my choices. And again, inflaming yourself or your comments is totally justified in this time of fear that we're living in. But the suggested items that I'm going to share with you on this episode are just that: they are suggestions.
Everyone's situation is different. And the decision to take any kind of action is highly personal and very individualized to your situation, to your family situation, to your loved ones' situations. Some tips are easier and I guess safer than others for me to explain fully, but if you've got questions, just reach out to me at mandy@parentsoftransyouth.com. And if I don't have the answer, then I will point you in the right direction.
So I've broken a lot of these suggestions or tips down into categories, because that's kind of how my brain works. It kind of works in like bullet points, and just, you know, remember that I am not a legal expert. I'm not a medical expert. And so please do not take any of this as legal advice or medical advice or even mental health advice because I'm also not a mental health professional. Although some tips can be good for your mental health.
Okay. So the first category is documents. Y'all probably have heard to get or renew a pass your passport, because under the Biden administration, you can self-attest your gender without additional documentation. And that means you don't need a court order or a doctor's letter or proof of transition or anything to choose what gender marker you would like on your passport, which is a really great thing. Because that doesn't have to be within like a law, it's something administrative by the federal government.
There's a good chance that that situation of being able to choose your gender easily on your passport could be taken away more quickly than other things that the president-elect has been threatening to do. So go ahead and get that done now. Get it expedited so that you can have that done before January 20th.
One thing to consider is to get your identification pictures updated to be congruent with your current presentation. So if your presentation, your physical presentation, your outward presentation has changed, you might want to change the pictures on, on your IDs.
You can also update your social security gender marker without any kind of additional documentation. Again, you can self-attest. And again, that is a federal agency that controls social security numbers and cards and all that. So again, that is safe for now and might be something that could change quickly after January 20th.
And some people advise against choosing the X gender marker for your passport or social security. I don't know if it's on social security. Why is that so hard to say? I know for sure you can choose X on a passport. And that is for anybody that sometimes, can designate, a nonbinary person. Because that is likely, likely something that will be taken away in the new administration.
And if you have that on your passport, that could be, it could flag you as transgender and just maybe cause problems that you don't need or don't want to have. And basically if you choose that on your passport, then there will be a record of you choosing that. So, again, this is your choice, but this is just something that, that I've heard that you just may not want to choose that right now.
Get your documents to match up as much as possible. So like your name, your gender marker, it's good to have some kind of paper trail basically and change everything that you are able to in case those options will be taken away after January 20th. And you know, if you're like me and live in Texas or somewhere else where you're not allowed to change your gender marker on your license or state ID, that won't be possible, but change everything else that you can, that you're able to with a court order if you need it, in Texas, you can get separate court orders for name change and then a different one for gender marker so you can change your name on stuff and then not have to worry about leaving a paper trail on certain documents, that you're changing your gender.
Many states have legal aid clinics for trans folks to help them with name and gender marker changes on documents and IDs. Like in Texas, there is the Trans Legal Aid Clinic of Texas. There are these wonderful legal aid clinics in so many different states and they can help you with a lot of these changes and kind of tell you what order you need to do them in and all that kind of good stuff.
Some other documents that you might want to consider: one is a durable power of attorney, and this document names someone that you trust to manage your financial and legal affairs if you become incapacitated, rather than, say, the state choosing someone for you or like your next of kin, if you don't want your next of kin to be in charge of that stuff, then you can create a durable power of attorney and choose someone that you would like to manage your financial legal affairs.
Same thing for a living will. This is an advanced directive, advance directive. I'm not sure that again, I am not an attorney. I'm not a legal expert. This outlines your medical treatment preferences if you are no longer able to communicate them so you can put those in place now, while you are capable of communicating them, and if you become unable to communicate them, then you have already designated what you would like to have happen with your medical treatment.
Which also is a good segue into healthcare. So this is mainly about gender-affirming care, because that's a big fear that for sure that there will be new restrictions, if not a total national ban on gender-affirming care for adolescents. We don't know what's going to happen, but that is something that the president-elect has said that he wants to do. And I know also that that is a concern for trans adults that this access to health care might be taken away. So what you can do is talk to your health care provider that is maybe providing that kind of gender-affirming medical care.
And talk to them about how to handle possible interruptions in your care plan, in your, your treatment plan and what they would recommend doing now. Like some people are kind of creating their own medication supply, but do be honest with your provider if you are underdosing in order to kind of create more of a medication supply.
One thing that I have seen recommended is to spend some time on Reddit to kind of see how you might want to do some of these things. If you are considering DIY (do-it-yourself) hormone therapy, again, spend some time on Reddit. You might want to talk with other people in your community, in the queer community who are doing DIY hormone therapy. I'll be honest. I don't know much about that. And I think probably the less said publicly about that, the better. So that is something that I would suggest finding out on your own. And yeah, Reddit seems to be a pretty good place to find that out.
And again, segueing into online stuff. Stay safe online, consider making your social media accounts private if you not have not done that already. Be mindful of what you share: your location, your neighborhood, your street, pictures of the front of your house, that kind of stuff, if you are the parent of a trans kiddo, be mindful of sharing where they go to school. I know this is a very personal preference of people. Like, do you, maybe you don't want to share pictures of their faces or their first names or however that is for you.
That is again, a very personal choice. A lot of people are cool with putting stuff out there and some people are not. So if you live in a place like Texas, I would say maybe don't share that you are the parent of a transgender kiddo, unless you are confident that your account is locked down with only people who you trust 110 percent. Use two factor authentication when you can on various accounts, especially medical accounts. Be really private about your medical information. I would just do that in general.
You might consider an opt-out service to remove your personal information from online data brokers. I use DeleteMe. This is a great service. Basically, like if someone Googles me, then they won't be able to find any of my personal information. So if you don't have something like this, you could, you would be amazed at how much of your personal information you can find and in a bunch of different places like those kind of white pages.com kind of places. I actually have a 20 percent discount code for DeleteMe. You can find that at parentsoftransyouth.com/favorites and you will find my DeleteMe link with the code and everything. That's an affiliate link, by the way. I love it. And, that has really saved my bacon.
Okay. So another choice would be a VPN service for getting online to keep your online activities private. I'll be honest: I don't know very much about VPN services, but that was something that was suggested to me recently.
Okay. Moving on to visibility and safety. And this is more like physical safety, not necessarily online safety.
When you are out and about, evaluate your surroundings and understand what it might mean in that situation to be visibly trans or visibly queer in that environment. And that's something you may or may not be able to tell, but if you maybe are in a place where there are not a lot of other visibly queer folks, then just know that that migh, just have more attention drawn to you and whether you want that. You know, you may be cool with that, and then you may not be cool with that. It's, again, all of these things are so personal, and if that's something that makes you anxious, or maybe makes you scared, or you think you might be a target, or you're really concerned about your safety, then you might have to make some choices in how to either present yourself or, whether you go to that location or not, if that's a choice. And again, I cannot stress this enough. This is such a personal, all these are such personal decisions.
Share your location with friends. If you're going somewhere, maybe new or unfamiliar or by yourself, you can just make sure that people always know where you are.
One thing that I saw somebody else suggest is to make decisions about staying in your presentation or going, quote, going stealth. And this is, that's actually really hard for me even to say out loud because as a cisgender person, that feels like, I cannot give that suggestion or recommendation to anyone, with that not being my lived experience. But that's something that some people might want to consider. Safety is important, of course, and so is authenticity. So that is again, I'm going to be a broken record, something that is such a personal decision and something that you will need to take into account your environment, your workplace, your job, your state, whatever it is. And if that's something that's of concern to you, then you may have to make decisions.
Okay, report hate incidents, if you are comfortable, whether that means, you know, if you're in a store or something reporting that to the manager or to someone in your workplace, if you are comfortable reporting it to law enforcement. Again, you may not be comfortable doing that and I totally understand that.
You may want to consider lining up legal representation if you are public in your advocacy or you work in the equality space. This was something that was just suggested to me the other day. Thank you, Emily. Just to be safe.
You know, actually, it was kind of interesting. My 18-year-old asked me the other day, he's like, what's going to happen to your work, Mom? And I was like, Oh, don't worry. I'll be busy. But also, I'll have to say, I'm a tiny bit nervous. Maybe not. I don't know. Just, I'm gonna be careful. You know, work in this space could be targeted. I don't know. And I'm gonna be careful about what I recommend to people, and I don't want to recommend anything illegal to anyone. So, yeah, that might be something that you might want to consider and you can talk to private attorneys. Lambda Legal is a great resource. They have a help desk. You can reach out to them and just say, Hey, I do such and such, or I'm public, I'm in this space, whatever it is. And sometimes, they have pro bono, legal representation, depending on your situation, or they can at least refer you to other people like a pro-LGBTQ attorney or firm or that kind of thing.
Okay. Self-defense. There are a couple, a few, lots of things you can do to keep your body safe besides, as my dad used to tell me when I would go out, like, as a teenager and in college, stay out of high-risk situations. You can learn de-escalation strategies. I am drawing a complete blank about what those could mean for you.
So, rather than starting or continuing a conflict, that might mean mitigating that conflict. You can learn basic self-defense strategies. there are different self-defense classes. I know there's a dojo in town. a jiu-jitsu dojo in Houston that has specific LGBTQ self-defense classes. and so check out where you live. Frankly, you might also be able to go online and learn some self-defense strategies.
You can consider carrying personal safety tools where they are legal. Pepper spray, is, is something you can consider. A little flashlight that goes on your key ring. A whistle. I'm sure there's other things that I'm not even thinking about.
All right, moving on to support systems. Find like-minded people for support. So that means finding your people, finding community. I am not in the LGBTQ community, but I know that is something that folks in the LGBTQ, the queer community, always say: that community is everything, and to lean on your community, be in community. Be with people who get it, be with people who understand what it means to be scared in this moment, what it means to prepare yourself in this moment, because you will be more likely to get support from those people than people who maybe don't get it and be like, well, I don't understand what the big deal is. Why are you so scared? Why are you thinking of moving or whatever? Like, be with people who understand what you're thinking about. And that might mean, you know, rely on your local communities and allies, whether that's, organized groups like your local LGBTQ community center, if you have one in your area, online groups, or maybe, maybe it's your local queer crochet group or book club or your queer sports team or whatever it is.
If you have trusted allies in your life, rely on them as well. Think about mutual aid networks. Those can be really good to put together. People are going to be looking for resources and support for all kinds of things. Some people might be moving, some people might be looking for legal aid. There's all kinds of ways that people can help each other.
If you are the parent of a trans kiddo, find the supportive staff or faculty, and parents at your kid's school or in your district. Know who they are. You probably already know, but if you don't, ask your networks, your trusted networks, if you don't know, because you will need to know who the safe people are at your kid's school.
And, and that's good to know anyway, so that you can tell your kid, like, hey, you can, if you ever have a problem, go to Miss Smith or, you know, go to so and so's mom. Or, you know, if you see them on the playground after school, they will help you. And again, that's always good to know.
Anyway, going back to like-minded people, definitely if you're the parent of a trans kiddo, I know that a lot of people kind of want to go on this journey alone, and you just think like, okay, we're, maybe my kid's not out to anybody. We're not out to anybody. And that's cool. That's, that's a choice that, that you can make. And it's a lonely road if you are doing this by yourself. So, find a community, find other parents of trans kids, because you need to talk to people who just get it. And that can be maybe a parent support group, again, in your community, that is probably easier said than done. Those are kind of few and far between. They're mostly in maybe the larger cities.
There are a lot of online resources. You can go to my resource list. There's a bunch of, online, support groups and resources. You can find that. Oh, I will link those in the show notes. And you can also find that in my Linktree in my social media bios. It'll have Resource List right there. I am working on building an online membership community for parents of trans kiddos, and that will be a very safe space. It will not be on Facebook, Instagram, whatever. It'll be on an independent platform. It will be safe, and that will be a really good place to be in community with other parents.
Okay, news sources. About the news, you might need to reduce or remove that anxiety trigger. A lot of people are very, very triggered by watching the news or just being saturated in it. That, that's me. I just, gosh, I guess the week after the election, I really just had to put a lot of stuff away. I was, really didn't spend very much time on social media. Even in certain chat groups I'm in, there was just the level of panic is like sky-high. And I just couldn't even bring myself to engage in that or respond or anything. And that's okay.
Something that I heard from somebody else that like being hyper-vigilant doesn't help anybody. It doesn't like you consuming the news and, and it's almost like a sense of control. Like if I can watch all the news all the time, then maybe something bad won't happen. You know, if something happens, you will hear about it. If you are plugged in to your community, like I said before, if you're plugged in with other parents or you are following, different groups, which I'll talk about in a minute, online, they will let you know if something huge happens. So, you maybe want to be mindful of how much time you spend on social media.
So if you are looking for news sources, I've got some that I recommend, a few in particular for legislative news sources. So if you want to know, what bills are out there, what's going on, kind of politics-y, or things that maybe anti-trans legislation or policies that are going on, or pro-trans, pro-equality, we love to see those, that are important, that are going on, on the national level.
The Human Rights Campaign, follow them. They, on their website, they've got kind of like a tracker of the current status of legislation, and I'll put that link in the show notes. There is a site called the Trans Legislation Tracker. I think that's translegislation.com. Ooh, that's hard to say again, show notes, I will put that in there.
The ACLU Bill Tracker, follow the ACLU, follow the ACLU in your state. ACLU of Texas is awesome, and I follow them. They also have a Bill Tracker both at the national level and at the state level. They'll keep you updated on what's going on at the state level.
Another resource that I just found out about recently is the Gender Justice Brief Podcast. This is a hopeful, but no-nonsense podcast about legislation that affects trans people. It does focus mostly on Minnesota and North Dakota, because that's where Gender Justice. Oh man, I am having a hard time with this pronunciation today, aren't I? Gender Justice is focused on, but they also have good information about national things and just great information that can be applicable to anywhere that you live.
So for general news, you might want to find some independent journalists for politics and news and legislation that's going on. I think we're gonna see more and more that legacy media, these big media companies, and this is kind of happening already. It's really hard to find nonbiased media on both sides, frankly, and most of them kind of follow the money, either way, or follow threats that may, or respond to, I guess I should say, threats that could be made. And as we know, our president-elect really likes making threats to people who do not agree with him. And so I think we're going to see more and more legacy media being scared to speak up to him and speak up against the bad things that he's going to be doing.
So like, for instance, the New York Times is and oh, I have choice words. The fucking New York Times, is just on an anti-trans tear lately, in their so-called attempt to, present, unbiased or present a balanced, I should say, news. It's not balanced. There are no two sides to trans issues, especially in some of the ways that the New York Times has been presenting them.
So, okay. So, look to creators to independent journalists. A great person to follow is Erin Reed. She's a trans woman, who is amazing and really, does a great job. And I think, posts on Substack every day, I think, and just follows anti-trans stuff, and, and just other, and other legislation affecting the trans community all over the country. And so that's a really great resource to have. she's also very active on TikTok and Instagram. I don't know if she's still on Twitter. She probably has left Twitter. I think I'm Blue Sky now. I'll put, her information in the show notes.
Another great resource that I like is Under the Desk News by V Spehar. I think that's the way they say their last name. They're great. I follow them on Instagram. They are probably on TikTok. I am not huge on TikTok. And I know they have a podcast, I think called America Fever Dream, again, show notes. And then if you're in Texas, I love Howdy Politics by Kat Vargas. Yay, Kat. Hello. My friend Kat does a fantastic job of really staying on top of Texas politics, which is great because this is a legislative year in Texas because in Texas we have legislative sessions every other year and so, Ms. Howdy is going to be busy. Again for Texas, Equality Texas will also have a bill tracker for this upcoming lege session, and also follow them for action alerts.
They are great for putting out, things, like if, when there are, particularly big bills that, that are coming up, whether people are needed to, say, go testify in person or you can submit written testimony or go by and drop a card, which means, to state your position on the bill, or they'll have, action items and that might be, you know, a rally or demonstration or sending postcards, whatever it is.
Same thing with ACLU of Texas, Texas Freedom Network. I'm probably missing, oh, of course, TENT, Transgender Education Network of Texas. All of them are going to be just very, very active in the next few months.
For national and local news, like if you really just want to, there is other news besides that that affects trans people. I really enjoy Axios email newsletters, A X I O S. They are short and to the point, like the whole point of them is that they are short. And it's kind of like, you know, almost reading the headlines with a little bit of commentary on them. I get one for the national news in the morning, and then I also get one for local Houston news. And they have a whole bunch of different kinds of newsletters that you can get. So I really like that really just to kind of keep up basically on the headlines.
So, a word about headlines. Be wary of inflammatory or kind of alarmist headlines, because even the best journalists, even the ones that are totally pro-trans journalists need clicks. And so sometimes, they can be a little alarmist. So, and, as I heard recently, there are going to be a lot of scary and alarmist headlines out there about the upcoming Supreme Court case, L.W. vs. Skrmetti, which is about gender-affirming care for adolescents. The opening arguments, I think, are just are on December 4th. So there's going to be a lot in the news about that. Take them with a grain of salt. And, and then maybe you don't even have to read any of them until again, wait till the dust settles and wait to hear from the experts, the people that you trust, the people that I just mentioned to kind of see what's going on about.
All right, take action. That is the next category. There are lots of things that you can do to take action. I will just name a few. Number one: vote. It may seem, that it is, fruitless to vote sometimes, but your vote does count, and it gives you agency, and it is our duty and our right and our privilege to vote. So anytime there's an election, you go vote.
Support state legislation that adds protections to constitutions or any other pro-equality legislation or policies, whether that's at the state or local level. That's going to be really important to support that to make protections for the community of ourselves, our loved ones, and you can fight the bad ones and again, follow all those equality organizations, and they will tell you what to do.
Run for office if you feel so moved. We need great pro-equality candidates to run for office and I will try to find some resources for that. I know they're out there. I know Victory Fund is a big one for helping pro candidate pro-quality candidates get elected, and I'm sure there's more so I will try to find some and put this in the show notes.
Again, just support your local organizations, especially trans-led and trans-focused organizations in your area, and equality organizations. The more local, the better, if you are supporting that with your time, talent, treasure. It will go so much farther on the local level.
All right. Relocation. Moving. I know this is a huge topic and I know in my circles living in Texas, I know people are making plans to move immediately.
One of the saddest things that I have heard recently is, I, I lead a support group in Houston for parents of trans and nonbinary kids. And our latest one, it was a couple of weeks after the election, and out of, I think, 12 families that came, I think about half of them either had firm plans to leave the state before December, or I think some of them had firm plans to leave at the end of the school year, and then some of them had, were actively making plans to leave.
Moving, relocating, whether it's from a red state to a blue state, out of the country, this is a hugely personal decision. Only you can make it. There are so many factors that go into moving. It may be simply for your comfort level. And that cannot be underestimated. The stress level, the anxiety level of your family. If you need to move to take care of the mental health of yourself, your trans kids, then do it. If that's what you need to do. If you feel like you need to move to get access to medical care for your trans kids, then do it. Move.
And a lot of people can't move. It is really hard to do financially. People put down roots in where they live and that's their home. And a lot of people feel like they shouldn't have to leave their home. Like me. I, I don't, I don't want to leave. I don't, I don't want to be forced out of my home. It's hard to find a job. It's hard to start over.
I know I'm, I can't, my family can't do that. My husband is licensed to practice his profession in the state of Texas. And so he would have to start all over again if we moved to another state. So again, just, it's a personal decision. So if you are considering moving to a state with protections and access to medical care for trans kids, you might want to do that sooner rather than later. Some protections are in state constitutions, and those protections tend to be more solid than like a law or an executive action by a governor. But if the federal government passes a law that conflicts with state constitutions, then the federal law would be in control, would, would I hate that to use this word, but what would trump any state law or protection.
So just keep that in mind. I hesitate to give any resources for moving abroad, but they are there. You can contact me directly if you, want to talk about that. I have some information that I've kind of gathered from here and there. I haven't done huge resource digging into those, suggestions that I've gotten. So I'm, that's why I'm hesitant to just kind of broadcast them out. I do have some for moving states. And you can find a lot of those relocation resources on my national resource list. Again, go to the links in my bios on social media. I'll put them in the show notes. Also put them, put that in the episode description. I think that's important enough to, to have there.
And if you are thinking about moving you, or that's even on your mind at all, you might want to start saving some money to at least get you to the next location. That might even just make you feel better to have that little pot of money for you to bug out if you need to. I would not be surprised if underground networks start popping up for, and I know people have already contacted me and said like, Hey, I live in, you know, Oregon and we've got a guest bedroom. And so, hey, if you know of a family that needs to get out quickly and need somewhere to go, I've got a spare bedroom or, you know, someone in, I don't know, Vermont or wherever. So I think those are going to be popping up again, those kinds of mutual aid networks.
All right. Self-care. I learned a whole lot about the stress cycle in a recent workshop that I attended on this whole topic of planning post-election. I don't want to go into it all right here. I will put some resources in the show notes. That basically when you get stressed, you know, trigger that stress response of Your nervous system, you need to allow your parasympathetic nervous system to reset after you get triggered with stress.
And so finding healthy stress responses will help your body kind of chill out and settle down. Not just like, Oh, get my heart beating slower. Yes, and there's a lot of other things that your parasympathetic nervous system needs to do to chill out and to to reset. So just some examples of healthy stress responses:
Engaging your body. That could mean just jumping up and down in your house. Yell, laugh, dance, go outside, hike, jog, walk. if you're in your office, or at a stoplight tense and release your muscles just to, to get your blood moving. do yoga. You can rock your body back and forth in a fetal position. Rest, cry, curse. There's actually research out there that cursing is good for you, which is why it feels so good. So like. Yeah, like, fuck it. Go curse. Self-massage, you know, like rub your temples, whatever you need to do, rub your own feet. If you don't have somebody to do it for you, give yourself a hug. Take a shower.
Lean on others. You can do that literally. Give, give or get a 20-second hug and just really get in there. Cuddle with a pet if you've got one. Go talk with others. You can walk and talk. You can kind of do both at once.
Get creative. If you've got a hobby, go dive into that. Knit, draw, color, garden, cook, bake, whatever you need to do.
Breathing. Breathe. You have got to remember to breathe. I really like square breathing. It's in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. This regulates your breathing and it also kind of helps your heart rate kind of slow down a little bit, which is really good.
Go to therapy. Therapy is awesome. This is a really good way to process all of your feelings. And, there are so many resources out there for affirming therapists and affirming therapists that work on sliding scales. So if you need help finding those, I can help do that. I know of a few different practices that have licensure, licensure, yeah, I think, in different states, so not only, unique to Texas.
So here's the big thing, is if you are the parent of transgender kids, you need to know how to talk to them about possible changes in their gender-affirming care and just how to talk to them about the election, especially if they have come to you and are scared or they hear something from somebody else or there's going to be a lot in the news and so they're going to hear it, especially depending on their age.
And there's different ways you can do this in an age-appropriate fashion. But one thing you can do for, for any age really is framing things in a way that feel solid and hopeful for your kid, but also being honest. This is the most helpful way to, for kids to receive information. Because if you just paint this picture of doom and gloom, they will absorb our fear. So you can be honest without being like, our world is falling apart and I don't know what to do. And like you start crying. You need to be in a place where you can say, you know what, this sucks and this is not okay. And it is possible that we're not going to have access to your care. And this is what that might mean for you.
And there, and you can find resources for what that might mean if somebody loses their access to puberty blockers, or they can't get them to begin with, or whether they have to go off of them. Same thing for, for hormone therapy. I don't want to go into a whole lot of that right now, but there will be hard changes on that. And so, depending on the age of the kiddo, you may need to help walk them through that, about what that would mean.
So, you could suggest if they have trans friends that they trust, parents that, that you trust, that, and that you're, you're all good with each other, you could say, you know, maybe we can all talk about it together, you know, with your friends, and maybe even their parents, and let's all talk about this together, and, you know, talk about what this is, this means, and how everybody's feeling, and sometimes it's good to talk about these things with a group of people so you know you're not alone.
You will need to find a support group. Like I said before, if you can't find one in person, go online. They are there. Go to my resource list. You will find some there.
And one of the most important things you need to do is give your kids the message that they are safe and affirmed in your home and with you. This is so important. Lay it on thick. You need to let them know that you are not going anywhere, and they will always be safe with you. The number one thing that trans kids need to know is that their parents support them and that their home is a safe place.
And you can let them know how many people are working for them and fighting for them. People who don't even know them. And that those people will never stop.
Okay, so I have more resources for you and I will put all of these in the show notes. So the Human Rights Campaign has a document called Facing the Future Together: FAQs, Guidance, and Resources all on this topic. Advocates for Trans Equality has the Trans Survival Guide. Lambda Legal has a four-point plan for what they will be doing post-election. And then, of course, Parents of Trans Youth has a big resource list, which also includes a link to the Texas-specific list.
So, this has been a lot, and I want to close out again, with some thoughts on hope, and I saw something not too long ago by the author Austin Channing Brown on hope and I want to read this because this really spoke to me.
Hope for progress is a dangerous thing. But what is the alternative? What would you have rather done with your time and energy? Speaking up was a good use of your time. Working for change was a good use of your energy. Trying to change the world was the right choice. Would you rather have chosen apathy?
Would you rather have chosen silence? Would you rather have swallowed yourself whole? Surely not. Because hope is a duty. And your hope is only tangentially related to the fate of the White House. What is always at stake is the deep belief in your own humanity, in your personhood. What is at stake is dignity, and your dignity is always the right thing to fight for. You must hope Because you are worthy. You are worthy of your humanity being honored. You are worthy of equality and equal protection. You are worthy of everything you fought for. Hope is a duty, even when it hurts. Be angry, but not at yourself for wanting better.
Whew. So hope is a duty. That really spoke to me. And that your dignity is always the right thing to fight for. You must hope because you are worthy. And I kind of use the transitive property for that and think that my loved ones, my kids, and other people that I love in the trans community are worth fighting for, that they are worthy of their humanity being honored. They are worthy of equal protection and equality. They're worthy of everything I fought for. So I have to remember that and hoping for better is always the right thing to do, I feel.
So Parents of Trans Youth is still here. We're not going anywhere. Our mission of wanting trans kids to be safe and affirmed and embraced at home and out in the world has not changed.
We just have more of an uphill trajectory now. So, I promise to find myself worthy of hope. And I hope you do too. All right. Until next time.