Keeping our trans kids safe
At the most recent Houston parent support group, we talked about fearing for our trans kids’ safety, which is a real and valid concern, especially in hostile states like Texas or Florida.
Can they be themselves outside of the house? Will they be bullied at school? What will their future look like?
But we also shared what we’ve done to keep our kids (and young adults) safe.
Here are some of our ideas, along with suggestions from my Instagram followers:
*Teach them basic safety skills, such as:
self-defense techniques
what to do in a crowd surge
how to scan a crowd in unfamiliar places for signs of queer adults, in case of a safety issue where other adults might try to harass them
*Have honest talks with your kids about where it’s safe to be out and where they feel safe: with family, at friends’ houses, at school?
*Encourage them to lean on friend groups. Queer kids tend to find the other queer kids at school. Maybe your kid has only found two or three, but I guarantee you they will have each other’s backs.
*Vet friends and their families before play dates.
*Practice possible scenarios for what to say or do if someone bothers or harasses your child.
*Keep kids out of the front lines of activism and advocacy.
*Empower kids to know their boundaries; it’s ok not to share all your personal information with new people in your life.
*Teach kids to know their allies and how to identify the adults around them who they can turn to for support when they need help.
*Tell them to listen to their gut. If something/someone/someplace doesn’t feel right or safe, leave! Make sure there’s someone they can call if needed.
*One of my followers said, “I keep my kid safe by never going to Texas.” Ouch. I know many families with trans kids who choose to stay in Texas, so this stung a bit. Is Texas a hostile state for trans kids? Absolutely. Is it safer to leave? Probably. But many families don’t have that choice. It’s expensive to move. Yes, there are fabulous resources (see list below) that can help with some costs for displaced families, but those funds are typically a drop in the bucket of what it takes to uproot your life and move to a different state. I know families who sold everything they owned except for what could fit in their car to afford to move.
Plus, many families feel that they shouldn’t be forced to leave their homes, families, jobs, and communities because of who their kids are. And some families even feel moved to fight these harmful laws and policies on their home turf.
*And finally, one parent in the support group said that she makes sure that the message her child gets at home is that they’re beautiful, extraordinary, and perfect just they way they are!
I cannot overemphasize how important an affirming and supportive home environment is for transgender children. This is a huge predictor of mental health, self-image, and confidence.
What do you do to keep your trans child safe? Drop me a line!
Support for individuals and families impacted by anti-trans legislation
Elevated Access
Campaign for Southern Equality
North Texas Transportation Network
Transitional Justice
Transcend Campaign
A Place for Marsha
TRANSport
TransRescue